(Val) Cardinals fans here in St. Louis are all set to christen the opening of our new baseball stadium during Monday night’s home opener against Milwaukee. It’s a big deal that has dominated the local news for quite sometime now because of the controversy involving tax use, the sentimental attachment many had to the old Busch Stadium and the worry that the new venue would not be completed in time.
Earlier this week, an exhibition game was played at the new stadium, and the reviews, both positive and negative, were bantered about like fielders warming up before a game. As someone who loves the game of baseball, but would rather watch my son play little league or take in a local Frontier League game than make the trip through the hubbub of downtown, my excitement has been somewhat tempered. I definitely want to go checkout the new digs, and I’ll cheer just as loud for my beloved Redbirds as the rest of the crowd, but when it comes right down to it, I have a beef with the whole experience of big league play, and it’s not limited to baseball.
Without turning this into a big rant that no one cares to read, I’ll just lay it on the line: Concessions at our stadiums, arenas and superspeedways are the biggest rip-off known to fankind. When I saw the price of a bottle of water at the new Busch Stadium listed at $4.50, I was astounded. If my math is correct, that multiplies out to over $34.00 per gallon. And I though $2.59 for gas was bad!
It all seemed to start with the movie theaters. It’s not bad enough that one can rent two movies for the price of one theater ticket - assuming there is actually something out there worth seeing - but then you walk in and pay three to four times the convenience store price for candy or soda, and it’s ridiculous. This is one of the main reasons that our family sees, on average, only one to two movies per year at a theater.
So what is the solution? Until the powers that be start listening to folks like me who say “we’re not gonna take it anymore,” the only thing we can do is to bring snacks with us, an act of criminal proportions, according to the signs posted at some events. Because most places ban outside snacks and beverages, we are forced to resort to sneakiness. This becomes more challenging all the time, especially in this day and age of terrorism where purses, packs and coats are subject to random search and snack seizure.
Of course, there are ways around such measures, and I have to admit, I have used them in the past, and will continue to do so as long as prices remain in the “utterly ridiculous” range.
When my kids were still young enough to justify the carrying of a diaper bag, it was pretty simple to conceal snacks and even drinks when the need arose. After all, even the burliest of security guards is intimidated by thoughts of what the average diaper bag might contain.
Now that my diaper bag toting days are over, I have had to revise my plotting, planning, snack-sneaking ways. This has led me to do extensive research in my quest to find the best purse for the job.
When searching for the perfect snack-sneaking bag, there are several things too look for. The first is size because let’s face it, those dinky little bags that teenagers carry can’t hold much more than an earring and a stick of gum. You need something large, but not overly so because you don’t want it to draw attention. A duffle bag might be a bit obvious.
The other main thing to keep in mind is containment areas. Look for a bag with lots of smaller compartments or divisions in which to stow your stuff. During most searches, it’s that main compartment in the middle that’s going to be scrutinized, not the little zippered areas or the area hidden by the “false bottom” of some bags.
Currently, L.L. Bean’s (www.llbean.com) Travel Touring Bags fit the bill nicely. They come in four colors and two sizes, regular and large, and have lots of pockets, zippers and flaps for stowing your stash. All those little areas are perfect because as noted above, the smaller spots don’t look like they could contain a whole lot, and therefore, don’t often rate a search. The inside pocket of these bags is my favorite because it is virtually unnoticeable and can hold lots of goodies!
Once you have the perfect bag, it is important that you pack the perfect snacks. In fairer weather, most candies, nuts, crackers and cookies will work, but on steamy outings, be sure to pack sturdier fair. There is nothing worse than anticipating the chocolatey goodness of M&Ms, and then reaching in and drawing back a hand full of melted candy mess. They may not melt in your hand, but they sure will melt in your purse!
Packaging is also important. While most treats will survive quite nicely in their original wrappers, some items may need to be reinforced, or split into smaller serving sizes using a series of zipper type bags. Of course, if you are worried about overzealous security guards ratting you out, you might also want to disguise your snacks inside tissue wrappers or pain reliever bottles.
In the event you do find yourself busted by a party-pooping snack-confiscating security guard, remember to remain calm. Crying, ranting and screaming will get you no where, but bribery just might work. You might consider packing one super-sized snack with a small amount of paper cash inconspicuously taped to it for just such occasions.
Finally, I have to offer this caveat: I do not advocate snack-sneaking at smaller, local tracks for many reasons, and in fact, I encourage you to support them with your purchases. First, they usually charge much less than the mega-venues for their food and beverages, therefore making it much less necessary to sneak. Second, the small tracks generally do much better job of catering to the needs of families anyway with most offering free parking and affordable ticket prices. Thirdly, these businesses are most often run by individuals trying to eke out a living, not by major shareholders and conglomerates who pay millions of dollars to athletes in order to boost their own salaries.
Best of luck to all you snack-sneakers out there, and my most sincere apologies to President Theodore Roosevelt for capitalizing on his favorite quote for illegal purposes. Feel free to share your tips in the comments section of the blog. The best ones will be posted for all to see and use!
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